Whys and Afters
by goddessa39
Summary: S7 btvs. slight BA. F and S friendly. After they throw hr out of the house, the effects are not liked. She is stone and he is dust. And it si really all of thier fault. angsty sniffle


Timeline: S7. Buffy just got thrown out of her house. Faith was the only other person against it. Spike isn't there yet, he is still with Andrew on the little 'mission.'  
  
Why?  
  
I keep asking myself that.  
  
Why... there's a lot of whys.  
  
Why:  
  
1. did I have to become the slayer?  
  
2. did I have to fall in love with Angel, the vampire with a soul- ex Scourge of Europe?  
  
3. did the gypsies put a way around the curse? It's pretty stupid when you think about it.  
  
4. did I have to come to Sunnydale?  
  
5. did my parents have to split. I know their marriage went to Hell some time around when I got this destiny slapped on me.  
  
6. did my father have to ignore us? He was there to raise us, but then he was always at work.  
  
7. did Angel come back? I'm glad he isn't in hell.  
  
8. then did he leave?  
  
9. does it still hurt to love him?  
  
10. can't I love someone else?  
  
11. does everybody leave?  
  
12. can't he feel me calling... screaming for his help?  
  
13. is he with Cordelia?  
  
14. does he have a son? And How?  
  
15. does he choose to ignore my pleas?  
  
16. do they think I am spoiled? I don't have everything figured out  
  
17. did Mommy leave me alone?  
  
18. did they throw me out? Wasn't this the point of them bringing me back? To play leader and make all of the decisions? It's not fair. I should have learned by now but it's not suppost to be this way...  
  
19. Why did Angel have to take the day back- after leaving me?  
  
20. Why does everyone make the choices they want for me, and I am left the ones that make the outcome?  
  
Why?  
  
There's a lot of whys.  
  
I can't answer any of them really.  
  
I am walking the streets of Sunnydale, California.  
  
Or at least, it used to be me. And I am not sure If you could call this place anything but the hellmouth now.  
  
I am looking for a house to crash at.  
  
I could probably pick any one of them  
  
But I want one where nothing I know is centered around there.  
  
Somewhere new, that I can just pile myself on.  
  
...Why did they throw me away? What was the point of them bringing me back? All they did was put me in Hell, none of them took any time to find the answers, like we used to do with research parties.  
  
The people in my house- the house that isn't mine anymore, are not my friends.  
  
My friends and family are stuck before my 17th birthday.  
  
Angel is there.  
  
Willow is the computer hacker with the typing fingers. She knows of magic, but doesn't yet get deep in the black hole that is magic.  
  
Xander is snack-guy, and chows down on all of the food. He is jealous of Angel and doesn't like him, but Xander is not ruined yet by his own lies. He is the boy that is developing, and fights against the darkness with me.  
  
Giles is my watcher, my mentor and father figure who I almost want to call 'Dad.' He hasn't lied to me yet, and he is there to hold my hand.  
  
My mom is still there. She doesn't know which can be a good thing because she never accepted really. She always looked at me as if I could just magically run up to her and tell her the news- that I am no longer the slayer, and can go back to being a younger girl.  
  
I know Dawn wasn't really there. But she was, I remember and I can still picture things she had done to piss me off, as usual. She was my annoying little sister who I would, and have protected with my life.  
  
Cordy is her shallow self that is trying to be a better person. She helps out and uses her tact way to bring things to an understanding.  
  
Kendra, my first sister-in-arms is learning her way into life still. She has not been drained by Angelus's childe. She is kicking and Fighting somewhere like Jamaica. She was taught not to have feelings or talked to boys, but she is learning herself.  
  
Ms. Calendar- Jenny is there with her raven dark hair. We don't yet know her secret. But now, I can't bring myself to care. She was there when we needed her, and was lost in this eternal war.  
  
Mom, Kendra, and Jenny are happy now, as I was once-or-twice before.  
  
There isn't any Tara, or Anya, or Doyle, or Wesley, or Fred, or Connor.  
  
They are in their own worlds right now, or not at all.  
  
There are a lot of whys.  
  
But I don't really care right now.  
  
I will find a house or place that I don't recognize, and I will lie down.  
  
And I will let myself die.  
  
I know where I am going. It won't be a surprise.  
  
Death is my Gift.  
  
It's too late for them, the 'First' is already defeated them, and they don't even know it.  
  
I will go to heaven, and I will finally be at peace.  
  
But I can't help but wonder, will they take me out again?  
  
I have chosen to go to the hill instead. I will die here like he planned to so long ago. I have a note to all in my pocket.  
  
I take it out and place it on my shoulder.  
  
I can feel the sun rise, and I sigh.  
  
I'm going home.  
  
'PTBs I think I have been plenty fair to your own war. I want to stay in heaven where I belong. There is no pain or hurt there. And I was ripped out before. So let me stay in the light with those that are still my family. Let me lay down my weapon and watch the clouds. My war was lost, after all of this time. I had no choice in it. But I am all alone in it. They don't understand you know. I am broken and you all know it. There is nothing left. My world is no more, so can I go back to the peace that is waiting for me? You will let me go, and stay there. It isn't a question, it is a command. I deserve it and you owe me times over. And you all know it. When the sun arises, I will turn away, and eventually be ash. This is no longer my war. My weapon was forced down, and what little strength I had was wiped away by betrayal. Angelus was right. To kill me, you've got to be on the inside. Well they killed me. No choice for me. Just a ton of whys! The slayer has fallen again. And all I was doing was fighting.  
  
...1. ...the master will rise, and the slayer shall fall... ...2. ...I fell off of the tower into the glob of energy. I only pictured Angel's face, his kisses, and his hands around my waist. There was no pain. But I had fallen... ...3. ...They ordered me out of my own home, the place where I had worked my ass of for, and my life was forfeited time and time again for them. And when they don't want me anymore, when I make one little mistake, they throw me away.  
  
Third time's the charm? Isn't that what they always say? Well, maybe this time it will turn out that way. I hope so. I know I was right about the First having something of mine. Something important. But I can't bring myself to care. I am not needed. So I can finally rest.  
  
And as the sun comes up, my spirit leaves, and my body turns to stone... I'm finally home.  
  
The house was a bundle of energy; people were running to and fro trying to help the wounded.  
  
And then Faith felt it. She slinked to the wall, and slowly fell to the floor. "No..." she started rocking herself, not aware that the room was starting to see her again. "NoNoNonononono..." Everyone was looking at her now.  
  
Spike saw, and knew. He sat on the couch and cried, a strong bottle of whiskey falling to his lips. He had just gotten back, and learned. He was going to go after her, but Faith went down.  
  
The door burst open, and all but Faith and Spike looked up. "Stupid Idiots! What the hell have you done?! Look what you did!!" Whistler ranted on some more before one of them asked him what he was doing. He was already drunk, and had another bottle of scotch in has hand.  
  
He went quiet when someone talked to him. Everyone who didn't know what was going on was startled. "Congratulations. You decided the outcome of the war!"  
  
"What?" asked one of the original scoobies.  
  
"You heard me! She was the key! Again. It was her selflessness that was going to win it! And now... we can all just sit back and wait until the world goes to hell."  
  
Faith was still rocking, not caring what was happening. Spike was on the couch. Numb again.  
  
"Here is what happened. You see, you guys threw her out, after everything she did for you! How could you just-...? So, she broke. Yep, you guys were all that she had left, she was already broken down because of all of you. O congrats scoobies. You won the war. Now, well, earth will be over run by demons and darkness!" He ranted on more. And none of them knew what he was going on about.  
  
And then he told them. "Oh, she's dead by now, wasn't her fault or anything. She didn't even get to go down fighting! Ha! She's the damn slayer. She is born to go down fighting. And all she to wanted to do was die in the arms of her soulmate! But noooooo she falls, and hits rock bottom. And somehow, you guys pull her down farther then that each time. You know, for all that you guys have said about friends and family, you are the real demons. And she even defended you guys against the PTBs the second tike she died. Said 'The family that slays together stays together. ' Well, you guys haven't gotten a good fight in a while I'm guessing' cause... LOOK WHATCH'YA DID!!!" He was pacing and stomping around. People were screaming at him now, not sure of what was going on.  
  
"Yep, and now, for the grand finale! Spike! Faith! Would you like to go out fighting, or do you just wanna go now?!" They looked up at him, sorrow and anger on their features. Faith stood up and went to Whistler.  
  
"I'll go now. No point in fighting anymore."  
  
Spike stood up did the same. "Yep." He looked at Dawn. "I promised your sister that I would protect you till the end of the world. Well, guess this is my stop."  
  
There was some more raving from the angry pissed of demon, and then he left with Spike and Faith... to leave the people in the house to die in the upcoming fight over earth, and their final places be decided by the PTBs. Personally, Whistler hoped all of them went to hell. He actually liked the slayer.  
  
And in the nearby city of LA, a vampire with a soul felt her go, and he screamed. A loud sad warning to all of the war that was won by the wrong side. He burst into ash. His demon went to hell where it belonged. Heaven:  
  
Toes in the ocean, a sun dress on, she stood against his chest. Angel and Buffy, once slayer and Vampire, just stood together. Their war was over, their jobs done. Now, they could just be. Home. Together. Forever... that's the whole point.  
  
Their families were in the house behind them. Doing whatever it was they wanted to do. But they stood together, content. Happy. Together, it was true happiness. No clause, no sacred duty. Just them. Soulmates. Life mates. Death mates. Together. Forever. 


End file.
